The Hugs and Chocolate ladies are pleased to have Laura Long as a guest today. Hope you enjoy!
Lately I’ve become a bit of a liar. I wish I could say it was one of those ”Your haircut looks fantastic!” kind of lies, but it’s worse.
Much, much worse.
Because I’ve been lying to myself.
You see, I started thinking, no, *believing* that I would never finish writing this book. I could sit down and write scenes, paragraphs, long passages of script, but a few days would pass and the doubts would creep in.
“How good is this scene really?”
“Look at all that red–grammar and spelling errors everywhere. Why can’t I fix them as I go along? Am I really that stupid?”
“Why are you even trying anymore? It’s not like anyone is reading this.”
I began to see writing as a competition I was losing. I began viewing the success of others as diminishing my own work. My own writing gifts weren’t the same as someone else’s, so somehow they were less than.
Eventually these thoughts became so overwhelming that they did something worse and turned into action. Or rather inaction.
I stopped editing. I stopped writing. I stopped caring.
I let the lies poison something I loved.
A few weeks ago my husband brought me back to my truth.
I have an hour in the morning.
I call it my quiet hour.
My husband is usually getting ready for work, and my children are still sleeping. I spend that hour writing. And while I was lying to myself, I spent that hour skimming social media websites. Pinning to Pinterest. Searching eBay. Doing anything other than what I should have been doing.
“How’s your writing going?” my husband asked me one morning, when I was clearly watching a YouTube video of a cat singing the alphabet.
Halfway through my shrug of indifference I started crying.
“I just feel like I can’t do it anymore,” I told him. “I’m just not good enough to be a real writer.”
The lies had become so crippling, it wasn’t about the writing anymore, it was the way I felt about myself.
Then my husband planted my first truth. The first step in smothering the lies.
“But you’ve already done it,” he said.
“What?” I asked him, hiccuping.
He looked confused and said, “You’ve already written a book. So obviously you’re good enough.”
He pointed at my goal chart on the wall next to me. “Finish a book. Check.”
When he saw I wasn’t going to respond, and I wasn’t crying anymore, he straightened up and went to fix his lunch.
I grasped at the first truth. Then I read the rest of my goals.
Write my book. Check.
Sell a hundred copies. Check.
Get my first good review from a stranger. Check.
And on and on. Yes, most of them weren’t checked, but a good third of them were.
I felt a little better. I was good enough to finish a book. I decided to write this down, because I am a writer and that is what we do (which I also wrote down). I then began to fill my belief box with more truths to starve my lies. I read the educational blogs I had been neglecting, to root out more truths about myself, and search for truths that perhaps I could work on.
I took back my quiet hour, free from distractions and all the things I thought were clamoring for my attention.
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
John 8:32
Am I really free yet? No, but now I recognize the lies for what they are, and I can move forward.
That is what is really important.
LM Long is the author of “Founder,” and a writer for the blog “Mommy Authors.” She strives to find the balance between parenting and writing.
(Links)
Founder: http://www.amazon.com/Founder-ebook/dp/B0053DU8KQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&…
Mommy Authors: http://mommyauthors.blogspot.com/
Courtney Koschel has been writing since she could hold a crayon. She has worked as a journalist, editor, technical writer, and technical editor. Young adult fiction is near and dear to her heart, which is why she writes YA and all of its glorious sub-genres.
Tonia Marie Houston is a mother, writer, poet, bookworm, and blogger. When sheís not chasing her three spider monkeys, she spends her time revising a young adult novel about life after death and second chances. Though she began to pursue her career later in life, she hopes to inspire and motivate other writers to put their best book forward.
This native Texan now lives with her Scottish hubby in North Ayrshire, Scotland, where she wanders the moors in search of William Wallace. She has been a guest blogger on Writer Unboxed and is currently working on the sequel to her YA supernatural novel, Touched by Darkness.
Jamie Raintree writes what she likes to call everyday fairytale love stories, featuring the little moments in life that are truly magical. She lives in Arizona with her husband and daughter and is currently editing her second novel.
Jani Grey is a South African ambivert, writer, reader, optimist, and bacon enthusiast. When her boss isnít looking she writes, revises, or edits YA Urban Fantasies in between work. Sheís sneaky like that. Sheís a NaNoWriMo addict and is currently working on two NaNo novels.
Rebecca Fields is a modern gypsy, roaming from place to place in search of ñ well, sheíll let you know when she finds it. Writing has become a way for her to share her adventures, both real and imagined. Along with her on her journey are her son and an assortment of rescued animals.
Sarah Hawkins
June 29, 2012 at 8:32 am
I find that I lie to myself all the time. I get to thinking that I’m not good enough to be published, that no agent will ever pick me up. The fact is…I AM a good writer, my story is strong and unique, and I just haven’t found the right agent for it yet.
A checklist is a great idea. I’ll have to make one of those immediately. Maybe that will help me feel more motivated, seeing that I have written down goals, even if they are baby steps towards my ultimate goal.
bwtaylor75
June 29, 2012 at 9:23 am
Your husband is one smart cookie. Isn’t it funny how he could nonchalantly point out you’ve already written a book and then waltz away to make lunch? How easy it was for him to see what you couldn’t?
Sometimes a step back isn’t really a step back, but a move in the right direction.
Often, we need to see in a different light, in order to truly appreciate who we are. When we foget, it’s nice to have someone remind us. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We’ve all been there, well, maybe not crying, but you get my drift.
It’s not so much about doubt for me, but fear. Fear of failure.
Want my advice? Too bad, I’m going to give anyway!
Lean on your friends and family. That’s what they are there for. Even if they don’t write, it’s better to get everything out. While they may not understand everything that goes into writing, they do understand you. Not to mention the fact that you’re worth it, at least in my book. I’m always around if you need me.
vaughnroycroft
June 29, 2012 at 12:13 pm
I agree with Brian, Laura–your husband is spot on. Isn’t it funny how we need others to point us to the light, again and again? A writing friend of mine, whose husband is her number one suporter as my wife is mine, pointed out how lucky we are. And she’s right. Not to get all Journey on you, but don’t stop believin’, and hold on to this feelin’.
Great post. Now put those pants out. (great title, too–couldn’t wait to click over from the email to see what it was all about
).
Tonia Marie Houston
June 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm
I am a certified liar, Laura. I know just what you mean. Thank you for sharing this with us, we’re glad to have you as a guest.
I, too, like the checklist idea. I have a calender I keep goals, and a sort of self-imposed deadlines on, but some days, as you know, are harder than others. A checklist is a wonderful suggestion for charting milestones.
Don’t be hard on yourself, I know there are a lot of writers who’ve been there.
I’m one of the blessed, I have a great husband and supporter. The poor guy lets me babble on about my book, plot lines, etc. He waits until I get to the heart of what I’m saying. Our long conversations-when they can happen(he works, we have three kids)-have ended in a lot of lightbulb moments.
So happy to have you, you’ve written an honest, supportive post. Kudos.
Chris O
June 29, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Oh my goodness, thank you for writing this. The feeling you described are exactly what I am dealing with right now. I’m going to make a goal chart and hang it where I can see it; start replacing the lies with truth.
)
Jamie Raintree
June 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm
I love the honesty in this post. What lie amI telling myself? That I don’t have time to write. In truth, there is always at least 15 minutes or more each day that I could be writing but instead, I busy myself with something else. Time to start facing the truth of that one and get to work. That book isn’t going to write itself!
Thanks for sharing your story and for being our first guest!
Laura Long
June 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Thanks everyone! I love hugs and chocolate, you’ve built such a supportive community. Thank you for all your comments. I love my checklist, although since my breakdown my husband has started adding the ridiculous. So it would probably be best if you write one, to not post it on a giant whiteboard.
PS and now I’ve got Journey stuck in my head. . . .
Laura Long
June 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm
Thanks everyone! I love hugs and chocolate, you\’ve built such a supportive community. Thank you for all your comments. I love my checklist, although since my breakdown my husband has started adding the ridiculous. So it would probably be best if you write one, to not post it on a giant whiteboard.
PS and now I\’ve got Journey stuck in my head. . . .