The o
lder I get, the easier it becomes for me to accept all the bad things that has happened in the years that brought me to the age I am now. When you’re younger and life strikes at you, it feels like the end of the world, doesn’t it? There’s a lot of feeling sorry for yourself, lots of ‘why is this happening to me’, ‘I don’t deserve this,’ and so forth. But then, the younger we are, the more selfish we are when it comes to our feelings and how we see the world. We only lose that as we get older and learn what life is all about.
This week we’re talking about what we’ve learned over the years and I want to tell you about the thing that had the biggest impact on my life. It’s something I wish I’d learned a lot earlier in life, but things turn out the way they are supposed to at the end of the day, right? No matter how we get there.
What I learned is that I have a choice.
It’s as simple as that. Sounds pretty straightforward, and it makes me wonder why I hadn’t realized this before my 24th birthday. It took me twenty-four years to stop worrying so much about everything all the time. It’s exhausting and takes up so much time that I missed out on the other things I could have done.
We don’t have a choice about the bad things that happen in our lives, yours and the ones of the people you care about. What you do have a choice about is what you do with it, how you handle it, and how it affects you as a person. This is what I wish I’d known earlier.
But when I think about it, would I have changed being like that and thinking the way I did? I’m not sure I would, because changing any of that would mean me not being where I am today. I’m pretty okay with right now. I enjoy my job most of the time, I get to write and read as much as I like. I have important people in my life and I like to think that to them I’m important as well. My family’s great, I get to be myself without too many people pulling faces at it(something I’ve chosen not to care about 
).
I’ve decided/chosen to do and not do a lot of things over the past four years and I can’t even tell you how things have changed. The biggest of them all, I’m a happier person.
With that out of the way, here’s a list of a few things I’ve learned over the years:
Like the image to the right, be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Those words are so true. EVERYBODY is dealing with somethings. The type of person they are determines the level of their battle, and ultimately how they will fight it. This ties in wonderfully with choice.
I’ve leaned not to care so much about things that won’t matter in two weeks time, two months, 2 years. Because caring leads to worry, worry leads to stressing, and before you know it, 3 years have passed and you have nothing to show for it except an ulcer.
Sometimes it’s better to have no plan at all and take it one day. The world isn’t ending anytime soon. Stop, take a breath, sit on the couch, and stare at the wall. Give yourself a moment or two to unwind.
I’ve learned that not everybody cares about what you’re going through, but those who do, those are the people who really matter and will always be there for you. Treasure them.
When I accept that things aren’t going to happen immediately, things get easier and life a little less stressful.
People will disappoint you, but there are ones that will surprise you too.
You have to work to be happy, but you don’t have to be unhappy while doing the work. If that makes sense.
You won’t get along with everybody and vice versa. AND THAT’S OKAY. Stop trying to please everybody, life will be easier that way.
Yes, life is hard, but it wouldn’t be worth living if you didn’t have to put an emotional and physical shoulder to the wheel. You have to fight, sometimes with claws, sometimes with a pillow 
I’ve learned that it’s okay to revel in your victories, and you’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself. Just do both with the same amount of restraint.
Don’t annoy/offend people on the internet, especially not on twitter and definitely not writers/authors. We circle our wagons and defend each other like a lioness with her cubs. It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve experienced in years. Not because of personal experience, but from what I’ve seen.
I’ve learned that writing communities/writer friends are worth their weight in gold. I’m saner because of both 
Have you made any important choices? Something that changed your life?
Courtney Koschel has been writing since she could hold a crayon. She has worked as a journalist, editor, technical writer, and technical editor. Young adult fiction is near and dear to her heart, which is why she writes YA and all of its glorious sub-genres.
Tonia Marie Houston is a mother, writer, poet, bookworm, and blogger. When sheís not chasing her three spider monkeys, she spends her time revising a young adult novel about life after death and second chances. Though she began to pursue her career later in life, she hopes to inspire and motivate other writers to put their best book forward.
This native Texan now lives with her Scottish hubby in North Ayrshire, Scotland, where she wanders the moors in search of William Wallace. She has been a guest blogger on Writer Unboxed and is currently working on the sequel to her YA supernatural novel, Touched by Darkness.
Jamie Raintree writes what she likes to call everyday fairytale love stories, featuring the little moments in life that are truly magical. She lives in Arizona with her husband and daughter and is currently editing her second novel.
Jani Grey is a South African ambivert, writer, reader, optimist, and bacon enthusiast. When her boss isnít looking she writes, revises, or edits YA Urban Fantasies in between work. Sheís sneaky like that. Sheís a NaNoWriMo addict and is currently working on two NaNo novels.
Rebecca Fields is a modern gypsy, roaming from place to place in search of ñ well, sheíll let you know when she finds it. Writing has become a way for her to share her adventures, both real and imagined. Along with her on her journey are her son and an assortment of rescued animals.
Heather Reid
June 27, 2012 at 5:43 am
Jani, you are wise beyond your years! It takes some people a lot longer than 24 years to learn what you’ve learned. Thank you for such a heartfelt and honest post. “What I learned is that I have a choice.” Thank you for that reminder. It’s been a rough couple of weeks in my new job and trying to balance my new schedule and I needed to hear every single thing on this list! It’s almost as if you wrote it just for me this week. Especially “You won’t get along with everybody and vice versa. AND THAT’S OKAY. Stop trying to please everybody, life will be easier that way.” You, my friend, are fierce. I want to give you a big hug!
I think the biggest choice I’ve made was to stand up and admit I wasn’t happy in my marriage, that there was something wrong. To decided I didn’t want to settle and that I would do something about it. In that moment, my whole life changed. I woke up. I remembered who I used to be and who I wanted to become. I don’t regret that time in my life, I don’t regret anything I’ve done in my past. Like you, I’m happy with who I am today. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t be me, I wouldn’t have the life I have now. And I feel my life is pretty awesome most days. If I hadn’t made a decision to wake up, to want more, to take a risk, I would never have met the love of my life, I wouldn’t have moved to Scotland to start the most amazing adventure ever, and I don’t think I would have had the courage embrace who I am, to become comfortable in my own skin.
Thank you for sharing another part of your life journey, Jani.
Jani
June 27, 2012 at 10:35 am
Thank you, Heather. I’ve also realized that it’s better to share my thoughts with somebody than to just sit with them. When I talk things out with somebody, it’s a kind of stress reliever, you know?
I tweeted you earlier, your words in this reply really hit home with me. I had to add the ‘You won’t get along with everybody’ because I had this very situation at work a few weeks ago. Mind you, I’ve been working there for four years now and we’ve never gotten along. It depressed me, the way that woman and I kept on bumping head. One morning I woke up and asked myself why I cared what she thought of me. We work together. That’s it. We’re not friends, we didn’t even share an office. Right then I stopped worrying about her and her opinion of me. We all have people we don’t like, and people who don’t like us. They say ‘deal with it’ and I did. I decided not to let it bother me. Having her like me wouldn’t make my life better. The decision to get over it made my life better
If you hadn’t stood up for yourself, you wouldn’t be here today. You taking that first step, it changed your entire life. Just look at where you are today!?! You’re happily married and your first novel will be in print soon. This makes me smile so hard for you, and these are all your happy things. Your happy things make me happy!
bwtaylor75
June 27, 2012 at 7:54 am
Everyday can be a new beginning, if you want it to. Just something that popped into my head as I read your post.
“People will disappoint you, but there are ones that will surprise you too.” Couldn’t agree more.
You keep saying you’re an introvert, but you constantly open up with a blazing honesty that most intorverts would run and hide from. It’s that same honesty YA readers will come to love, soon I hope.
The bottom line is enjoy what you can when you can. Today, tomorrow, or the day after could be our last. We may as well be the best possible person we can be while we’re here. I see a lot of that around here. Thank you, Jani, and everyone.
Jani
June 27, 2012 at 11:01 am
I like that, every day being a new beginning. It’s like getting up in the morning, driving to work, and singing along to whatever is on the radio. When you’re not a morning person. It puts you in a different kind of mood, ready to tackle whatever the day throws at you.
I’m an in-real-life introvert
It’s different for me expressing myself online than it is anywhere else. I’m firm in my beliefs of some things, and when I am, I like sharing them.
By the way, you’re already part of the furniture here
You contribute a lot, both in attitude and content. So thank you for that.
Juliana Haygert
June 27, 2012 at 8:09 am
I just have one thing to say: you’re awesome, Jani!
<3
Jani
June 27, 2012 at 11:07 am
Thank you
Tonia Marie Houston
June 27, 2012 at 8:25 am
You are so Zen, Jani, I love that about you. Once upon a time I made a choice to walk away. I wanted my daughters to grow up in kindness, grace, and the fierceness to realize they never have to settle. I want them to be like you.
I did want to write the story of a choice I made that changed everything, but this is your story. I’ll tell mine another day. I thank you for the reminder.
And I have this feeling that there are at least a few others out there who needed to read this today.
I’m sending you a big hug across all the long miles. I hope you feel it. Cheers.
Jani
June 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Bridget
June 27, 2012 at 9:13 am
Brilliant post, Jani. Sounds like a commencement speech.
“Stop trying to please everybody” <—- I struggle with this to this day. Although I usually end up doing my own thing regardless, I can't seem to stop moping over how some people react, or even how I fear scary faceless people somewhere out there will react. Like, recently, I took a big step toward fulfilling my dream, and I should be so happy about it right now, it's pretty much exactly where I want to be. But, there are people out there who look down on what I want to do and I keep letting it get to me. Thanks for reminding me that I should quit worrying about it.
Jani
June 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm
I know exactly what you mean. Just because I say stop trying, doesn’t mean it doesn’t get to me now and then. I does. But then I remind myself that it’s impossible to please everybody and it makes me feel better. I’m human, I’m flawed. Some of those flaws might not agree with some people. Big deal. They’ll either get over it, ignore them, or avoid me. I’m okay with it.
It’s your dream and has nothing to do with the people who want to get you down. I know it’s easy to say ignore them, but you’ll have to. Do what makes you happy, other people be damned
You’ve got way to much support anyway.
Courtney Koschel
June 27, 2012 at 6:38 pm
I love your list, Jani! I love the part about fighting with either claws or a pillow–such great imagery–and so true.
You’re so right about having a choice in life. One of my new year’s resolutions was to quit worrying so much, and I’ve found so much freedom in that. I recently had a relapse, but I’m working on being better and it. Life is one big learning process, and I don’t know of anyone who has mastered it yet, and I doubt I will meet that person anytime soon.
Thank you for being wonderful
You’re wise, smart, funny, and I always love reading your posts. Also, you’re a great friend…thank you for that.
Jamie Raintree
June 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I felt myself physically relaxing as I read this post. So many things you said about taking it easy and not worrying so much are words need to take to heart. Thank you for that.
Rebecca
June 29, 2012 at 1:02 pm
You’ve posted a wonderful list, Jani! I struggle everyday with worrying about things that have yet to happen. I wish this was a habit I’d learned to control when I was younger. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we all knew these things way back? I guess that’s a part of growing up – learning. Thank you for sharing