I’m continuing the theme this month of discussing the things I’ve learned in my time on earth. I’ve been jotting down sentences all week in preparation for this post. The Hugs and Chocolate ladies have left me with a tough act to follow, but here goes.
Writing is a very individualized process. What works for one writer may not work for another. That’s one of the many reasons I love writing.
Age is only a number. I’ve been the youngest person at nearly every place I’ve worked. I was a marketing manager, fresh out of college, with eight people under me, when I was 22. I no longer tell people how old I am, because some people only respect others based on age. Give everyone a chance. Always. You’ll be surprised at what you can learn from someone just by being around them.
Unfortunately, people don’t often like to see others succeed. You know what, tell those people they can kiss your…you get the picture. Surround yourself with people who genuinely want the best for you. Surround yourself with friends who encourage you and bring out the best you possible.
Life is too short to fight with people you love. Whether it’s a friend or a loved one, work on the problem instead of letting it get out of hand.
Do what makes you happy. Money is nice, but happiness is lasting.
You’ll always spend as much as you make. My mom said this to me about a month ago. I’d just gotten a promotion, and a week later, my car needed costly repairs. Needless to say, I wasn’t planning on purchasing a new car, but life has a way of butting in.
It’s okay to splurge every now and then. If you work hard, play a little, or you’ll go crazy…trust me on this one.
It’s okay to want to be alone. I love my “me” time. I need it to recharge. Some people don’t understand, and that’s okay–everyone has their own way of recharging, and this is mine.
This is something I’m learning, and haven’t mastered, but I’m trying. It’s okay to take a break and not feel guilty about it. Veg. We all need down time. Watch movies, eat popcorn, go outside, but don’t even think about writing, or anything, just enjoy being alive.
Excuses are just that…excuses. If you want something bad enough, you’ll find the time, energy, and tools necessary to make it happen. If you know me, then you know I have a pretty low tolerance for excuses. We all have things in our life that get in the way. Find a way to make your dreams come true.
I’ve met some of my best friends online. I love them dearly, and they are amazing.
Never give up. Giving up is admitting defeat, and no one likes to say they’ve been defeated.
Furry things make life better. I have three animals. They are my children. That may not make any sense to you, but it does to me.
You don’t have to pay money to learn. The internet is full of free educational materials. Soak it up. Also, there’s the library. Utilize the resources you have.
This part of my list may be a little depressing. These are the specific things I’ve learned in the past two and a half years due to my chronic illnesses. Hopefully it can help someone out there going through something similar:
Don’t take your health for granted.
When you have a chronic illness (or two or possibly three. Yep. Found out I have more than one.), you learn a lot about yourself. I’ve learned I’m stronger than I ever thought. Every time I get new information about my health, it’s typically not good news. And every time, I’m able to handle it. I often think if one more thing happens, then I don’t know how I’ll make it. But make it I do.
Relearning things about myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I went from healthy to not being able to hardly walk in a very short period of time. I had new limits. I used to run 6.2 miles a day. Now, I’m lucky if I can do a mile.
It’s okay to have pity parties as long as you know you’re having one and set start and end times for them. If I’m having one, I acknowledge it but say, “tomorrow, I’m going to wake up and be over it.” That usually works. Sometimes it takes longer than a day, and that’s okay, too. Take the time to learn coping strategies and how to be a better you.
Okay, enough of the depressing part. Please know I am grateful for my fellow Hugs and Chocolate ladies and all of the readers. Thank you so much for checking out our site and letting us into your lives. It means a lot–truly. You are all amazing, and I can’t wait to hear more about the things you’ve learned in your life.
Courtney Koschel has been writing since she could hold a crayon. She has worked as a journalist, editor, technical writer, and technical editor. Young adult fiction is near and dear to her heart, which is why she writes YA and all of its glorious sub-genres.
Tonia Marie Houston is a mother, writer, poet, bookworm, and blogger. When sheís not chasing her three spider monkeys, she spends her time revising a young adult novel about life after death and second chances. Though she began to pursue her career later in life, she hopes to inspire and motivate other writers to put their best book forward.
This native Texan now lives with her Scottish hubby in North Ayrshire, Scotland, where she wanders the moors in search of William Wallace. She has been a guest blogger on Writer Unboxed and is currently working on the sequel to her YA supernatural novel, Touched by Darkness.
Jamie Raintree writes what she likes to call everyday fairytale love stories, featuring the little moments in life that are truly magical. She lives in Arizona with her husband and daughter and is currently editing her second novel.
Jani Grey is a South African ambivert, writer, reader, optimist, and bacon enthusiast. When her boss isnít looking she writes, revises, or edits YA Urban Fantasies in between work. Sheís sneaky like that. Sheís a NaNoWriMo addict and is currently working on two NaNo novels.
Rebecca Fields is a modern gypsy, roaming from place to place in search of ñ well, sheíll let you know when she finds it. Writing has become a way for her to share her adventures, both real and imagined. Along with her on her journey are her son and an assortment of rescued animals.
bwtaylor75
June 22, 2012 at 8:14 am
I may not be the most qualified to say this, and I’m sure the other founding ladies will do it better, but you radiate positivity and are a rock. Being a rock is tough. I’m the rock in my family and quite often when I need a shoulder to cry on, I can’t find one. The rock isn’t supposed to need a shoulder to cry on. You know what? Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes, even a rock. I’ve already said that if you ever need anything to let me know. I mean it.
I can see you being an editior, a very good editor at that. The whole not quitting state of mind must make you pretty fierce. I’m thinking a cross between a lioness and Tyra Banks kind of fierce.
Your issues with health aren’t depressing, they are real. Anyone who says otherwise can go suck a lemon (hope my mom doesn’t mind me stealing that one). Real issues need real support, and it just so happens we all have a ton of support to give. Need a shoulder to lean on? We’ve got plenty of shoulders available. Need someone to listen? We’ve got plenty of ears for listening. Having trouble smiling? We’ve got plenty of smiles to go around too.
We want you to know how much your knowledge, insight, and friendship means to all of us too.
I’ll admit when I first started following this blog, your posts intimidated me a little. I could tell you knew much more about writing and the writing industry than I did. I didn’t want to seem like a fool, so I hung back. When I finally opened up, you welcomed me warmly. I’d like to thank you for that, and all of the support you’ve given me. I only hope I’m able to return each kindness and all of the support.
Keep inspiring, keep shining, and most of all, keep writing. From the bottom of my heart, I’d like to say thank you for all you do. Oh, and here’s to many more 29th birthdays, because apparently we’re all twenty-nine now! If you don’t believe me just ask Heather and Tonia, they’re the experts!
Courtney Koschel
June 22, 2012 at 9:23 am
I can’t thank you enough for your heart felt response. I know what you mean about being a rock. It’s hard sometimes, but you’re right, we all need one, and I really appreciate the offer. I’m here for you as well. This has been such a hard time in my life, but I’m making it–one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I refuse to give up, though. I can’t, and I won’t.
Lol, if only I could pull off the many faces of Tyra Banks. I do appreciate your comment, though. I admire you a lot. I’ve enjoyed reading your posts because you have that fierceness as well. Giving up is the easy thing to do, and I know none of us in the H&C community are quitters. For that, I am so thankful. It’s awesome to surround myself with such amazing people.
I haven’t really opened up about my most recent health diagnoses, but I feel like if I can share some of my experiences and coping strategies to those who may need to hear it, then I’m going to do the best I can to make sure I can be there for someone going through something that is life changing.
Your support has been incredible. I would never ever think of anyone as a fool. I respect and admire those who want to learn more about the industry, and I want to help and encourage everyone. It makes me happy to share whatever knowledge I have, and I’m glad you opened up. I learn so much from everyone’s posts. Seriously. The day I stop learning will be the day I die, and hopefully that’s a while from now.
Gotta love those 29th birthdays! And from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you again for sharing things about yourself, your writing process, your journey in life, and for being a friend.
Tonia Marie Houston
June 22, 2012 at 9:05 am
I think BWTaylor said it well. You are so loved and highly respected among the H&C community and beyond. I know I love you and when I want to give into my problems I know I can make it because you do every day- and we’re soul sisters(sure Heather would agree). But that doesn’t mean that we can’t be your rock, as bw so wisely stated.
Being strong doesn’t just entail surviving. It’s more about facing your problems and weaknesses and deciding you want to do more than survive each day. Strenght is the choice to live, and you’ve made that choice. That alone is remarkable.
I was recently diagnosed with clinical depression. I think I’ve had it for awhile. I had all the symptoms- exaustion that never ended, feeling worthless, sad, etc. It was so hard going to a doctor and talking about those things. I wanted to tell him each day was an exercise in trying to put my old self back on, and failing. But once I started taking medication and dealing with this head on I realized something important to me. And that is this, I didn’t want to be my old self when I’d come through such a dark place and now I can laugh with my kids and mean it. I’m proud of my journey, and that I Live to tell the tale. The new me is more vulnerable sometimes, but I think it’s also makes me a better writer. Does that make sense? I have a feeling it does to you and at least a few others. Part of that relearning process, perhaps.
Okay, that was my timed pity-party. Not really. I just believe it’s important to remind others they are not alone in anything, as often as we can. I haven’t met a writer yet who hasn’t been to the dark side, or observed its inhabitants.
This is what makes you the amazing person and writer that you are. I know what bwtaylor means about being intimidated by your knowledge and professionalism. I am always humbled by my fellow H&C ladies and the readers.
I knew your post would be beautiful and moving and if I cry now it’s for all the right reasons. I am graced by wonderful, strong, passionate, and intelligent friends.
You have yourself an amazing weekend.
Heather Reid
June 22, 2012 at 9:30 am
You’re both going to make me cry! I am so humbled and blessed to have met you guys. We are truly soul sisters and have felt that from the day we all met on FB. Tonia, I can relate to your struggle with depression. I’ve been there myself, been to counselling, been on medication and come through the dark side stronger. It’s about making a choice to either lay down quit or get up and strive forward.
Courtney, I know I can’t ever truly understand the pain and struggle you face each day, but I do understand chronic illness. Having celiac disease means being vigilant with my diet. It means I can’t eat food I used to love. It means I have to be careful about cross contamination and it means if I do un-expectantly get “glutened” I’ll be in for a week of suffering. Thank you for sharing your list. Pity parties are important, but it’s good to have a time limit. So true!
Courtney Koschel
June 22, 2012 at 9:34 am
I’m so glad we started this venture together. All of the ladies here are incredible, and the community is more than I ever thought it would be and in the best way possible. I’m thankful we’ve all gotten to know each other so much better. I feel very protective of this community. I love all of you so much, and I’m a better person for knowing everyone.
Please know that I’m here for you. If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here. Depression is very hard to deal with, but I’m so glad, and so thankful, you sought help. And that feeling you described makes total sense. I feel like this journey has made my writing better. The emotions you go through help you put feelings onto the page.
Like I mentioned in my response to bw, I, too, am amazed by the knowledge and posts of the H&C community. It’s incredible. I’m always learning something, thinking about something, or trying new things others suggest on here. So thankful.
I can’t wait to see where our journey takes us as a community. I have a feeling it’s going to be a beautiful ride
Hope you have an incredible weekend yourself.
<3
Heather Reid
June 22, 2012 at 9:20 am
Courtney, you are truly an inspiration to me. You are one of the strongest and bravest women I know. Your list isn’t depressing, it’s a reminder that we can all rise above and keep moving forward no matter what obstacles are put in our way. No excuses!
Life IS too short to fight with the people you love. I agree 100%.
“Me time” is so important. You’re not the only one who needs quiet reflection time to recharge.
Furry things- I miss my dogs.
You are one of my best friends. I know you know how much you mean to me and that I feel that our meeting wasn’t by accident. I owe so much to you, my friend, my editor, and my cheerleader. Brian got it right when he said you were fierce…fierce and fabulous and one of the most amazing people on this planet. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Love you lots!
Courtney Koschel
June 22, 2012 at 9:38 am
You’re an inspiration to me as well! Your perseverance and determination has gotten you so far, and it’s proof that dreams come true.
Yes! I am a big fan of my “me” time. It’s a necessity to me. I feel disorganized and a little crazy when I don’t get it. If you’re missing your animals, I can always send you some pics of mine, lol. I have like a million.
You are one of my best friends, and I am convinced our relationships and this community was kismet. I’m proud to be your friend, your editor, and your cheerleader. It’s an honor to be around such an incredible group of men and women.
Love you lots, hun.
vaughnroycroft
June 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm
I just wanted to say reading this and the comments is very emotional and inspiring. What a great group of friends. I’m so happy participate in the H&C community. You guys all inspire me with your honesty and talent!
Great list, Courtney, and I wish you and everyone all the best in your battles, health and otherwise. (Sorry to get all historical fantasy on you, but…) In these battles I will gladly lend my sword to each and every one of you. Happy Friday!
Courtney Koschel
June 24, 2012 at 11:53 am
Thank you, Vaughn. You’re such a fantastic contributor, and I’m so happy to get to know you better! I love the historical fantasy tone of the comment. Can’t go wrong with that, right?
Hope you had a fabulous weekend
Jamie Raintree
June 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm
You are so incredible. I love that you never let life get you down, no matter what it throws at you. I don’t know about you, but writing has a way of doing that for me. No matter what happens, I can always write. That never changes and I love that.
Courtney Koschel
June 24, 2012 at 11:54 am
Exactly, Jamie! Nothing can take my writing away from me, and for that, I am grateful! I appreciate the kind words. You’re pretty fantastic yourself!
Hope you’re getting settled into your new place! We’ll have to get together at some point since we’re not far from each other, now!
Jamie Raintree
June 25, 2012 at 12:46 am
Absolutely! I would love that!
Jani
June 27, 2012 at 2:30 am
Reading this makes me want to work harder and be better at everything I try. We know about some of the things you go through and that alone makes me admire you so much. It helps that we have people and things that drive/inspire us and you definitely do that for me.
Your list of things are wonderful, the good and the sad things. Working for what we love makes getting it all the more worth while. Furry things are awesome and I totally agree about meeting some of the best people online. I’ve made great friends, the kind I know I’ll be friends with for a long time. I’m such an introvert, but knowing I get to be myself with these people, you guys included, makes my day a whole lot better.
Thank you for being a fantastic person. Thank you for inspiring me to do better.